Defense Deflection

Turning to the defense is one of my most common reactions when initially posed with a threat, argument, or question of my plan, belief, or stance.  It’s natural for any human to immediately think to defend themselves rather than pause to first consider the argument at hand.  

In my sessions of premarital counseling with our pastor, we discussed how to solve disagreements without arguing and it focused on meeting your spouse either on their side, in the middle, or addressing it later.  Nowhere did it say defend yourself first and foremost, but rather listen with empathy and have a productive discussion to resolve the conflict.  Sometimes, a simple conversation could prove that there wasn’t even a conflict in the first place, just a question to be answered.  But feeding that quick desire to become defensive can escalate what could have been a dynamic exchange into a dead-end argument.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know and haven’t heard before.  It’s something we are taught from a very young age, but it is a trait that is difficult to overcome.  And rightfully so, there’s often a fine line between standing up for yourself and your beliefs and toning out other ideas to guard your own.

This simple lesson has been on my mind more than usual the past few months.  Infamous 2020, being a year like none other, has again made me ponder my perspectives more than I care to admit.  Whether it be about politics, COVID-19, the economy, the election, the cattle market, the checkoff, you name it… the extreme polarization on every day issues changes our demeanors.  This great division has engrained in many of us an immediate position of defense, I see it daily.

Take a stroll through social media to see what I mean.  Dare I use the election and millennials as my example, but it’s one where there seems to be no middle ground.  

Since November 3, I have had select friends popping champagne, gathering at Biden rallies, and still bashing Trump supporters.  On the other side of the spectrum, I have select friends demanding investigations, declaring there is still hope for Trump 2020, and of course, bashing the Biden campaign and his supporters.  When these two friends cross one another, nothing productive is bore.  Because we have lived in such division for so long, we are adamant in our beliefs and if someone questions that, we will try only to prove them wrong.

This attitude has slithered its way into our industry as well.  Just in the past two weeks, two glaring examples of defensiveness blocking productivity have weighed on my mind.  By now you may have heard about the two cattle producer meetings in Florida.  R-CALF USA, United States Cattlemen’s Association (USCA), and Organization for Competitive Markets (OCM) gathered together to discuss the industry’s most pressing issues.  National Cattlemen’s Beef Association was invited but declined.  In their decision not to attend, they were on the defense and tied into OCM for alliances with the Humane Society.  This obviously made OCM react the same way and the mudslinging press releases were sent.  What could have been a productive conversation about critical issues like our markets and the checkoff, was lost behind walls of defense and meaningless quarrels.  

I’m fearful the same situation is playing out with the beef checkoff petition right now as well.  In my front-page article this week, I visited with an R-CALF member and USCA member who ultimately may share similar ideas and desires for change.  But when USCA posed a question about the path forward should the petition lead to termination of the checkoff, petitioners took to the defense.  Rather than opening the door for conversation about how the industry would like to see the checkoff improved, R-CALF USA instead defended themselves by attacking USCA.  Sparring in a tit-for-tat argument about membership numbers does not move our industry forward.  It only bogs us down, hinders progression, and distracts from what should be the heart of the discussion.

I can try to blame 2020 for this hardened state we find ourselves in, but looking back it’s nothing new – amplified, maybe, but new, no.  It’s called being human.  And it’s a natural reaction we must combat daily.  Seek to listen first, then react.  Maybe defense is the right response for the given situation but consider those affected by the issue at hand, the conversations that could follow, and the progress that could be made before turning a question into an argument.